When I first saw today's post on At the Well titled "Why Modern Motherhood Is So Much Harder Than It Ought To Be," I thought "Oh come on, women just need to quit their whining and do their job!" Now, I whine about my job too (although I'm trying to quit, it's an awful habit), but come on here, women have had very tough jobs all throughout history! What makes us so different? We have washing machines for goodness sakes! But the author brought up some very interesting points that I had never considered.
1. Pre-Industrial Revolution, throughout history, families worked together. Dad either farmed or had a shop close to home. He took the boys with him to work alongside him and learn a trade. Mothers worked in the home and taught their daughters how to cook and care for babies. Home was the center of their lives. This isn't to say life wasn't hard, sure it was. But they lived and worked, celebrated and grieved together.
2. Modern women grow up in a 2.1 child household with mom at work while the kids are plunked in school all day working with peers. After school you go to activities or day care. No one is teaching girls how to be home makers. Home is just an in-between landing place to eat meals, sleep, and watch T.V. Same thing when they enter college. Apart from the mindset that women staying at home is a waste of their life they are also taught how to conform to whichever work culture they choose. After college they jump into careers with bosses and deadlines and nasty co-workers. But that's just what you're supposed to do to feel fulfilled in life.
3. So when she does get married and have a baby all of a sudden she's home. Alone. All day. With a crying baby. She doesn't know how to cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or change a diaper. Her mother did it all for her out of working mother's guilt and didn't have the time to teach her. Now she's counting the days till her kid turns 3 and can go to preschool. She was never taught how to love her husband, her kids, or her home. In fact, she'd rather be working than be stuck at home all day changing poopy diapers and listening to her kids scream at her.
4. Does her husband help? No. He works all day, that's a woman's job, that's what a stay at home mom does after all. They're exhausted after working 60 hrs. a week and are a little jealous that they're wives get to stay home all day. While their wives are a little jealous that they're husbands don't have to listen to screaming babies all day and actually get to come home from work at the end of the day. There is no end of the day for mothers, they're on call 24 hrs.
5. Who can she turn to for help? Her own mother? No. She's busy back at work, she put in her time raising a family and never enjoyed it herself. Besides, she can't take the time off because she's going on vacation with some girl friends next week while father is gone camping with his buddies and she needs the overtime. Get a babysitter so you can have some alone time, she's told. Can she turn to her friends for help? Nope. They're in the same boat.
We do have some difficult challenges to face. If we deny that then we begin to think that we're worthless, just no good at this stay-at-home thing. The problem is that we were never taught properly and now we're hopelessly miserable. No we can't do it on our own, we must have help, someone to teach us what in the world to do. This Modern Motherhood post was just the first part outlining or problem. The second part will hopefully give us some kind of solution. I can think of a few things already, but I'd like to hear what she has to say before I post any more. So stay tuned and maybe we can figure this out together!
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